India's lexicon- more real than reality

I have come up with the idea of creating an India-specific lexicon which will cover words, epithets, famous personalities, political terms, economic terms, social jargon etc. and their meanings/what they stand for/description/usage . It’s an ongoing project, and I will be adding new terms regularly. Readers are requested to suggest me terms which can be included here. The following ten examples will give you a good idea:

1) Apathy:

a) Masses’ unwillingness to jack off over farmer’s plight.

b) Media’s inability to sensationalize and glamorize farmer-suicides.

2) ASI (Archaeological Survey of India):

Grave-diggers. Everything Hindu, including Ram, is a myth, as Hindus do not bury the corpse.

3) Common man:

a) The person who has cornered all the economic development since India’s independence, and the only person about whom every political party, particularly Congress is concerned about. In Hindi, referred to as ‘aam aadmi’.

b) Any invisible entity.

4) Competency:

Proximity to Gandhi-Nehru parivar.

Usage: We need leaders of competency. Let Rahul Gandhi’s cousin become India’s next PM, now that he has died.

5) Cricket:

The biggest religion in India; and the only one in which the existence of a god- Sachin Tendulkar- has been soundly disproved.

6) Feminism:

a) An ideology by which a woman viciously competes other women to prove her own superiority vis-à-vis men.

b) An ideology which canalizes women’s hatred of men towards a productive cause of pulling down other bitches.

7) Hindustan Times (HT):

Unofficial spokesperson of Pakistan’s diplomatic ambassador to India. Also, since the name is Hindustan times, the paper voices concerns of Bangladesh, Nepal, Burma, Afghanistan and India too.

8) Secularism:

a) Controlling the spread of Hinduism, and promoting Islam and Christianity.

b) Broad-mindedness to allow yourself to be blackmailed by threats of ‘minority-estrangement’, and glorifying the same.

Usage: India is a secular country. In most of the Hindu-Muslim riots, more Hindus have been killed.

(9) Traffic-cop:

a) An entity that teaches rich bastards the value of money, and not-so-rich the benefits of extortion.

b) The only pedestrian in India, who’s safe from the excesses of negligent drunk-drivers.