Indian Independence Day-Glorious Pakistan?

There’s no limit to the stupidity that some of talent-shows being aired on TV descend to. I was watching ‘Sa re ga ma pa Challenge 2007, a talent-show for singers, on Zee Tv. They aired a special Independence Day episode, where Indian singers sang songs praising our motherland-India-obviously. The contest had/has 3 Pukestani singers as participants as well, and they were allowed to, much to my disgust, sing Pukestani patriotic songs. The next episode was even more shocking. As per the competition rules, one participant ought to get eliminated- the one who gets the least number of votes from audience. In this episode, all the participants in the bottom-3 (3 singers who got the least number of votes) were Pukestanis. And going against the competition rules, judges and the show-managers decided that since a few people had circulated canards in the media that: “Pukestani singers refused to sing songs Indian patriotic songs”, the audience got influenced and did not for those Pukestanis, they would not eliminate any one in that episode!

Judges’ decision was followed by a farcical drama, with Pukestani singers getting emotional, the Indian participants-with tears coming out of their eyes- hugging the Pukestanis, everyone in audience rejoicing at the decision that was arrived at, concluding with the host of the show- Aditya Narayan- making a statement :“All these false rumours and canards were a handiwork of those who wish to create barriers and divide India and Pukestan. Nothing of what’s been spread has happened.”

I am totally disgusted at this episode, particularly with the show organizers, judges, the host, and the audience in the studio. Is it difficult for us to acknowledge a simple fact: Pukestan by its very definition is founded on anti-Hindustan sentiment? It’s the same scum of a nation which has waged 4 wars against us. It’s the same country which has initiated and sustained a proxy-war against India, which has liquidated more than 90k innocent lives till date?

For God fucking sake, it’s our Independence Day, and it’s an Indian talent-show. Those Pukestanis should have sung Indian patriotic songs just like others.. Instead, the platform was allowed to eulogize a land that’s always been and is still a hub of Terrorism. I am not bothered about what occurred behind the scenes, whether the Pukestani singers refused, or they were not asked to. I don’t care what does the so-called ordinary, average Pukestani thinks of India and Indians. The fact of the matter is: conceptually and historically Pukestan, by its own proclamation, is an arch enemy of India. Any thing that glorifies Pukestan, is an affront to India, and hence is something plain unacceptable to me. It’s a disgrace to see Vande Mataram being followed by some Pukestani patriotic song.

I was also rankled by the utter nonsense and tripe that the Pukestani singers were mouthing, clearly trying to appeal to emotional side of the Indian audience. What was detestable was that one of them even gave a back-handed compliment by saying: “how he always felt at home in India, and how due to rumors & canards he was feeling very uncomfortable and depressed”, and “how he’s just there to sing and do nothing else”. In that case, if they are only here to sing, why didn’t they sing Vande Mataram or any other song glorifying India. It’s our fucking country, if you can’t respect my Independence Day, go back and compete in Pukestani talent shows, where, the voices of singers, I am sure, are so similar that without seeing the singers, it’s hard to distinguish one voice from the others.

The judges, what should I say about them? Just like most of us Indians, they are equally ignorant of what Pukestan stands for, or it seems they too are typical pseudo-secularist media-influenced types. Himesh Reshamiya: against whose opprobrious music, even the boisterous cacophony and slogan-chanting of opposition parties in Parliament will pale in comparison. Ismail Darbar: the man who has not had a single successful album after Devdas, because of which he’s stuck to just being a judge, as that’s the only way he can get enough money to trim his disgusting, eternally-oily hair. Bappi Lahri: a man who’s every second musical composition is plagiarized- and still not worth emulating, as he’s known to sue people who’ve plagiarized his songs. Or Vishal-Shekhar: the duo which through its album Bluffmaster gave us some of the most popular wannabe songs, which are still a rage in page-3 parties frequented by the likes of Booby Darling.

Then the studio-audience, of which most of the members are grossly ignorant and astoundingly stupid. These look like the types who even though have no money to support themselves, will still take a loan to pay for the show-tickets, just so that they are seen dancing and prancing like monkeys on TV, for a few seconds. They have not a slightest of clue of what India-Pukestan issue is about, and still have the gall to mindlessly suck up to and applaud the equally-ignorant-judges’ decision, and utter useless, anachronistic platitudes such as “India Pukestan bhai bhai” “Sadiyon se yahi karta aaye hai Bharat”, which they had learned during their last year of education-in most cases not exceeding 5th standard-in Municipality schools.

Then the biggest dolt of them all: the incompetent show host- Aditya Narayan. Leaving aside his worthy credentials namely-: a) He’s a son of a popular singer Udit Narayan. b) He’s sung a few songs as a playback singer for ‘child’ characters in movies, because his dad wasn’t allowed to sing for 2 characters- father and his child, we have before us, what Aditya Narayan looks like on the show: An image of a complete jackass smiling with his mouth ever-open for flies to enter in. He’s a complete dunce, with an unrivaled talent to bore even the stupidest of Saas-Bahu-serial-fan to death. He should migrate to Pukestan, and I am sure he will win the most tele-genic TV host award, apart from being the only one there.

I’d like to say so much more, but shall end the spanking and reserve it for some other post!

Adios!

Happy Independence Day: Are we really free?

Warning: This write-up is pointless, wretched, gross and absolutely detestable. If you puke or contract a convulsion in your stomach after reading this, consider it as a proof you being a perfectly normal human being. Read it at your own risk…

It fills my heart with inordinate pride that today India celebrates its 60^th year of independence. 15^{th of} August 1947 is the glorious, eventful day when India made a transition from being a British colony to an independent nation.

In my humble opinion, today is the day to do ask some tough questions; instead of just indulging in ego-boosting and reveling in our own past glories. Call me a cynic or a pessimistic prick, but looking at the current state of affairs in India, I am severely depressed. I am compelled to ask: Where is the Freedom? Have our politicians done enough to safeguard our Freedom? Are our country and all its masses really free? Have we done enough to ensure “Equal Opportunities for all”?

It’s imperative to analyze these questions in light of various inevitable problems that India is confounded with.

Let me get into specifics. Here’s a startling fact for you: A whole 40% of Indian population still dumps in private-toilets or in Sauchalyas (public toilets). Are India and its freedoms a monopoly of the other 60% that goes on pooping day in day out in open with monopolistic freedom? What have the politicians done to encourage the rest of India-40%- to start defecating in open, on roads, on railway tracks, on railway platforms? Where are the opportunities for them?

It’s time we take this issue seriously. Put yourself into the shoes of an average commuter belonging to the 40% I referred to, traveling in Mumbai local at 8 am, who’s unmistakably forced to countenance the site of a few ‘privileged’ men squatting like toads releasing another piece of stool, on an adjoining track; and you would understand how deprived these 40% of population I am referring to actually is. Ditto is the case with passengers commuting through buses, with the site of men pooing on the roads/pavements! This, surely, is one area where those who actually miss the bus (or the train) are actually the ones who haven’t missed the bus (or the train), and those who have missed the bus (or the train) are the ones who have actually got onto the bus (or the train), if you understand what I am saying.

Besides, how else are we going to deal with water-scarcity and drainage issues? It’s time to remind ourselves that water is not something that we can generate manually. (don’t tell me that we can while we pee, no we don’t! Peeing is just a case of GIGO- Gold In Garbage Out). The more we depend on water, more we depend on the caprices of nature. Also, with every flush, we expend around 8-10 liters of water, clearly a colossal waste of water. More the water flushed down, more the pressure is on our creaky, inadequate drainage-system that overflows so regularly. The private toilets ought to go if we have to live in a sustainable world.

Why can’t our Government pass a law that illegalizes all the personal toilets, and gives 40% of people a chance to upgrade themselves and join the rest 60% of Indians who defecate in open? They will be more than glad to. If they are not, then the Government can always force them to, by destroying the private toilets and sending the numskulls who violate the government rule, behind the bars, so as to set an example. What can’t be done with peace can be done with force. Just because the 40% doesn’t understand how defecating in open is in their best interests in both the short-run and the long-run, doesn’t mean Government allows them to stay ignorant. Like the shepherd who guides his flock of sheep, it’s time for Government to goad the 40% of Indians to utilize the freedom of dumping in open. Government needs to ensure that there are enough open spaces and more importantly, these open spaces have to be well spread out and not be concentrated in just a few areas. I can speak from experience that much as I want to dump on the railway track, it’s simply not possible for me to hold my crap for half-an-hour- the time that it takes for me to reach the nearest railway track from my house. Besides, Government needs to ensure that a person isn’t unduly worried about whether there is a train running on the track or not. For this, there have to dedicated tracks where no train runs and which are only used as dumping zones.

Another concern is that people using private loos will just start using sauchalyas instead of open spaces. I have a solution to work around this problem. The Sauchalyas’ rates can be increased from Rs 1 to Rs. 1000 in the initial stages, after the Law that “illegalizes private-toilets” is passed, so that people who were using private toilets start using the Sauchalyas, and those who were using Sauchalyas shift to defecating in open. Then after some time, Sauchalya rates can be dropped back to Rs1, and then the people who were still using Sauchalyas will also shift to defecating in open. (Why? Refer to Chivas Regal effect theory).With enough focus and planning, this measure will definitely bridge the inequality-gap of “defecating in open” that exists in India, between the so-called haves and have-nots. Some of you might be tempted to ask: “Why not just simply destroy Sauchalyas?” To that, all I can say is: that’s not going to happen. Politicians are never going to directly admit that constructing Sauchalyas was a mistake on their part, which ought to be undone, and hence let’s try to be realistic.

Lastly, this measure will go a long way towards improving the secular and pluralist fabric of our country. We have seen the movie Krantiveer, wherein Nana Patekar bangs a piece of stone on his own fingers and on those of Muslim character in the movie till he draws blood, asking him to distinguish between Hindu’s blood and Muslim’s blood, and concluding with the line: “If God was no one to discriminate between a Hindu and a Muslim, who was he to?”. Similarly, the more people defecate in open in groups, more they will see the fact that the color of their stool isn’t different (minor differences maybe), and understand why it makes sense not to fight on the basis of caste/religion/language/region, as all of ours’ shit color is the same.

The day when every Indian is out there defecating in open, with hands wrapped around his fellow mates defecating alongside him, till the point he, regrettably, is compelled to wipe his arse with minimal amount of water; will be a day when India will be actually considered free! Till then, Happy Farcical Independence Day folks!