'Dynasty-ism', 'Nepotism' and 'Sycophancy' in Congress

The recent appointment of utterly useless Rahul Gandhi as Congress General Secretary, NSUI General Secretary and Youth Congress General Secretary once again re-affirms the point that Con-gress is a nepotistic, dynastic party where the only ones who call the shots are Nehru-Gandhi descendants, and having Nehru-Gandhi in your name automatically guarantees you ascension to top-level positions in the party.

What exactly has Rahul Gandhi done to merit this position? Was he chosen on the basis of the performance he displayed by reducing the Congress vote share in UP? Or was he chosen on the basis of the quality of Colombian bimbo he has been able to hook up with? Or was he selected for his innocent, cherubic face which can charm the ignorant, illiterate masses to the extent Laloo’s rustic, boorish and buffoonish ways do? Or was he chosen because he is a son of an absolutely incompetent and inarticulate Italian bitch who currently heads the Congress party? Or was he chosen because he’s the grandson of a certain Indira Gandhi who was moronic enough to release captured 93,000 captured Pakistanis, in return for Pakistan’s signing of Simla Agreement which it has flagrantly violated? Or was he chosen because he’s the great-grandson of utterly incompetent Jawarlal Nehru-who become the PM at the behest of nepotistic Gandhi’s overruling the decision of 15 state Congress units which had actually chosen Sardar Patel for the post of PM- and went on to unleash one disaster after another on our country, during his rein?

Whatever be the proclaimed reason, the truth of the matter is that Congress is a party wherein for a member nothing is a greater sign of capability than being born in the parivar. How else can you explain Rahul Gandhi pompously and shamelessly declaring in 2004 that “I could have become the PM of India at the age of 25”? The parivar has treated the party as their 'jagir' and the country as their fiefdom. Nehru, Indira, Sanjay, Rajiv, Sonia, Rahul, it's sickening.

Anyone who rebels against the dynasty is reduced to being a non-entity or is shunted out of the party. What happened to Pawar and Sangma? How else was Antonia Maino elected as the party president over above Sitaram Kesri, a more experienced and a more-deserving candidate?

The Congress party is rotten with Gandhi-Nehru bootlickers, third-grade guttersnipes, abominable sycophants who have not a smidgen of pride and self-respect, who miss no opportunity in displaying their loyalty to the great parivar. A look at the current cabinet ministers tells us that even if you have failed to win elections, even if you have questionable credentials; you can still be a minister provided you have had a consistent track record of wagging you tail before the parivar members.

Home Minister Shivraj Patil:

The bastard is alleged to have links with Naxalities. He had lost the Lok Sabha election from Latur, and still finds himself as the Home Minister simply because he has been a loyal soldier of the parivar.

Defence Minister Pranab Mukherjee:

This man, in spite of no record of contesting elections till 04, finds himself in charge of important Defence Portfolio. To be noted that he won his only election from Jangipur seat in WB, which is a Congress stronghold, where a Congressman is assured of a victory.

Law Minister Hansraj Bharadwaj:

His father was a Nehru and Indira loyalist. Hansraj continued the family tradition and was a Rajiv loyalist. It’s only because of his unwavering loyalty that he’s been able to get nominated in Rajya Sabha time and time again. And, yes he was the person who went ahead with de-freezing Quatrochi’s Accounts, thus helping him to flee.

Similar things can be said about the likes of Mani Shanker Aiyar, Ambika Soni, Renuka Chowdhary etc. And who can forget the great Pratibha Patil, the most famous geriatric of India; senile, titular, puppet President.

The thing common to all of them is: They are all dogs. But it has to be said, to their credit, that they are dogs of the highest grade. They all have an exceptional record of parivar-service. If only we had a few dogs that are as loyal to India as these dogs are to Nehru-Gandhi parivar, our country would have surely progressed more.

Also, detestable was the way our newspapers announced this story. Look at the headlines of some of the popular newspapers:

“Rahul's elevation shows Cong confidence ahead of elections”

“Post-makeover, Cong gets future-ready”

“Another Yuvraj rises? Rahul made gen secy”

Some of them sounded like Congress propaganda rags proclaiming Rahul Gandhi’s appointment as a victory of youth over ‘old-guard’, and likening him to Dhoni, Yuvraj. If these newspaper rags had an ounce of objectivity left, they wouldn’t have shied away from describing what a contrast Rahul Gandhi’s appointment was to Dhoni’s appointment as the captain which was purely merit-based. They wouldn’t have refrained from drawing a contrast between India’s winning of World Cup and elevation of members of same family-dynasty in Congress.

To conclude the post, it makes sense to wonder: What would change if any one of us was in place of Rahul Gandhi born in the parivar? Nothing, actually. Even with more capabilities we would only be as worthy as the utterly useless, pumpkin Rahul Gandhi is. What would change if Rahul Gandhi was in our place? Much! He would have been nothing more than a watchman, if not a waiter.

MAKING HEADLINES - by Man Friday and Kapil Bhasin

MAKING HEADLINES

We have started a comic strip called Making Headlines. The artist is Kapil Bhasin. The strip is still in its nascent stages, so please excuse the technical mistakes.

India's lexicon- more real than reality

I have come up with the idea of creating an India-specific lexicon which will cover words, epithets, famous personalities, political terms, economic terms, social jargon etc. and their meanings/what they stand for/description/usage . It’s an ongoing project, and I will be adding new terms regularly. Readers are requested to suggest me terms which can be included here. The following ten examples will give you a good idea:

1) Apathy:

a) Masses’ unwillingness to jack off over farmer’s plight.

b) Media’s inability to sensationalize and glamorize farmer-suicides.

2) ASI (Archaeological Survey of India):

Grave-diggers. Everything Hindu, including Ram, is a myth, as Hindus do not bury the corpse.

3) Common man:

a) The person who has cornered all the economic development since India’s independence, and the only person about whom every political party, particularly Congress is concerned about. In Hindi, referred to as ‘aam aadmi’.

b) Any invisible entity.

4) Competency:

Proximity to Gandhi-Nehru parivar.

Usage: We need leaders of competency. Let Rahul Gandhi’s cousin become India’s next PM, now that he has died.

5) Cricket:

The biggest religion in India; and the only one in which the existence of a god- Sachin Tendulkar- has been soundly disproved.

6) Feminism:

a) An ideology by which a woman viciously competes other women to prove her own superiority vis-à-vis men.

b) An ideology which canalizes women’s hatred of men towards a productive cause of pulling down other bitches.

7) Hindustan Times (HT):

Unofficial spokesperson of Pakistan’s diplomatic ambassador to India. Also, since the name is Hindustan times, the paper voices concerns of Bangladesh, Nepal, Burma, Afghanistan and India too.

8) Secularism:

a) Controlling the spread of Hinduism, and promoting Islam and Christianity.

b) Broad-mindedness to allow yourself to be blackmailed by threats of ‘minority-estrangement’, and glorifying the same.

Usage: India is a secular country. In most of the Hindu-Muslim riots, more Hindus have been killed.

(9) Traffic-cop:

a) An entity that teaches rich bastards the value of money, and not-so-rich the benefits of extortion.

b) The only pedestrian in India, who’s safe from the excesses of negligent drunk-drivers.

Drunk Driving - Man Friday

So, it appears that all the naka bandi, excessive torch shining and dubiously enthusiastic breath smelling that has become very much a regular feature of Mumbai’s night life is not just an excuse for Cops to come close to people’s faces. Reports state that the number of road accident deaths in the month of July 2007 was nearly 50% less than those reported for the same month in previous year. The police have naturally taken the opportunity to revel in their apparent success and the press seems to have been either coaxed or pistol whipped into joining the party. Yogesh Joshi’s front page article in the Hajisthan Times where he eulogizes the Mumbai Police’s drive against ‘drink driving’ seems to suggest that the aforementioned party wasn’t exactly a dry one itself. Do I smell hypocrisy? It couldn’t be.

Anyway, after the reader finally deciphers the cryptic mess and realizes that the term ‘drink driving’ is indeed a reference to ‘drunk driving’ and not just some new ride that has been introduced at Essel World, the Hajisthan’s Times article goes on to reveal that in actual numeric terms, the number of deaths in road accidents has reduced by only 30 (from 68 to 38) in July 2007 as compared to previous years. It seems to have been slightly overlooked that this kind of discrepancy in yearly death tolls could well have been caused by other factors such as

1. The comparatively sparse rainfall received by the city this July
2. The fact that traffic (even at night) has increased so much that it is
becoming hard to drive over the speed of 40 km/h making it almost impossible
to have a fatal car accident
3. The fact that numbers reported by the police have the validity of disposed
sanitary napkins.

Assuming the police’s supposed campaign against drunk driving has been the reason for the reduced deaths, a simple question comes to mind i.e. “Why the fuck haven’t they done this before?” Unfortunately the simplicity of the question has transpired into it having escaped the minds of the Great Indian Press.

I promised myself this wouldn’t be another cynical article. So, before I once again work myself into an agitated frenzy of hair pulling, authority bashing and name calling, I’d like to come back to the core problem: How can the problem of drunk driving be curbed?
Yes, the police have become far more vigilant with respect to the issue and the constant checks and stricter punishments will no doubt immensely contribute to eradicating the problem. But what seems to have eluded the grasp of the conceited and prudish authorities is that while putting a clamp on drinking and driving is an explicit necessity, the provision of an alternate is just as crucial.
See, the truth is, that a fair number if not the majority of the inhabitants of our metropolitans enjoy the odd drink and not all of us are the belligerent anti-social elements that the authorities portray us as. Unlike some of the politicians who label us as outcastes, we do not have the luxury of having personal bars with small time Tamil actresses as dancing girls, in our homes, nor do we have the benefit of an entourage including cars with sirens to take us pub-hopping.

So what does a common man like me do when he wants to grab a few beers on a Friday night? Public transport dissolves itself as an option the minute there are women involved. No girl in their right mind would risk taking a cab after 1 o clock in this city, with or without a man accompanying them and especially not after having had a few drinks. Ironically, the HT’s article on the diminution of drunk driving has a footer for an article titled “Crime against women on the rise”

The only viable option is to cajole some South Indian teetotaler named Naidu into becoming a part of your group and then assigning him the job of designated driver on your nights out. The plan works like clockwork until Naidu realizes that while the rest of the guys in the group are making it with drunken bimbos in the back-seat; he is having trouble performing on himself at home because his hand hurts from moving the dam gear stick.
The dilemma usually ends up with people convincing themselves that they will not drink more than they can handle and that they will be very careful while driving. I confess to having done the same myself. I am not trying to make any excuses. All I am saying is that the majority of people on the roads on a weekend night truly believe that they are not incapacitated enough for it to affect their driving. The problem of course is that there is no definite way of telling just how much a particular individual can drink and sill be in control of a vehicle. So it becomes imperative that any alcohol level detected in the blood of a driver be treated as a case of drunk driving.

Before you sneer at my suggestion, please bear heed to the fact that it is not a comprehensive plan but rather an idea which I hope will eventually manifest into something that contributes to lessening the increasing problem of drunk driving in Mumbai. My idea is simply to have a sepcialised taxi service exclusively for the purpose of taking people to and fro from pubs and clubs in the city. The service should be run on a public private partnership basis with the government licensing the job out to a reputed private company while providing subsidy and continuing to be involved in maintaining the security of the system. The service will afford people the ability to call for a cab within an hour of their departure. The cab will then pick them up at an exact time and be theirs for the rest of the night. The hirer will be free to use the cab to hop from one pub to another and the driver will stay with the group until they are dropped home.
There are two factors which are key to the success of such a system:

1. Trust - As I mentioned earlier, people shy away from using public transport at night primarily because they consider it unsafe. Hence it is imperative that this specialized service builds a feeling of trust amongst the potential users. An important step in this direction is to restrict the service to one specifically for the purpose of ‘pub and club hopping’. This way, consumers will know that the drivers are being hired with this specifically in mind. Also the service must be licensed to a reputed company and the government must back it all the way. The look of the service is also very important. A well dressed chauffeur in uniform and a sleek looking cab immediately trigger a feeling of comfort in the party goers’ minds.

2. Cost – Considering the amount people spend on drinks and entry charges at clubs, one would assume that they wouldn’t mind spending at least a quarter of that amount on their own safety. Unfortunately in a country riddled with the penny wise and the pound foolish, this is not the case and any fee of over Rs.400 for transport on a night-out would I’m afraid be an instant turn off.
This poses a bit of a dilemma, as in order to maintain the trust mentioned above, the company cannot afford to cut back on driver’s salaries or other expenses. The only reasonable solution seems to be for the government to subsidise the service. Another possibility is to tie up with leading pubs and clubs and arrange a system whereby the users of this specialized taxi service are entitled to discounts at those places. This would give the clubs/pubs good P.R. in terms of them being anti- drunk-driving institutions and will also encourage the use of the service.

As the service picks up, certain other elements can be added along the way such as closable windows between the front seat and back, to allow certain other unmentionable activities that couples get up to on their nights out. Regular clubbers could be given license to ask for the same driver and car repeatedly so that they feel a sense of ownership over the vehicle.

As I said, this is only an idea in its nascent stage. There always will be some idiots who will want to show off their fancy rollers and will laugh at this article and say “Don’t drink and drive, you might spill” and then find themselves very funny. But I do believe my idea is one that could, if worked upon, have a significant impact in curbing this social problem that has seemed to flare it’s nostrils off late.

How India reacted to bomb-blasts which occurred in Hyderabad on 25/8/07

The media community got a rude shock when the Indian Prime Minister Mr. Atal Bihari Hajpayee refrained from commenting anything whatsoever in the press conference which was held after the twin blasts that rocked the city of Hyderabad on 25th August, 07.

AB Hajpayee evinced the same characteristic demeanor and body-language that he was known for. He carefully listened to the reporter’s question (the first and the only one), slipped into a state that’s perceived as ‘coma’, flung his hands, blinked his eyebrows- all this, as usual, occurred in a span of two hours- after which it looked like Hajpayee would utter a few words, provide the much-awaited reaction, and delineate his strategy of combating terror. But that wasn’t to be. The press-conference was, at that point, called off by RSS citing 'colossal waste of time' as the reason.

Faced with the possibility of not delivering any 'breaking news' on the hottest issue of that day, media-people came up with an idea to avert the same by speculating various “what-if” scenarios, with respect to how would have some of the other Indian political leaders reacted to these blasts.

First, they speculated how YSR Rut-ti and his party would have reacted to Hyderabad blasts. After a discussion, they thought this is how he would have reacted:

"What do you expect us to do? Do you want us to keep vigil on all the chaat-eating people?"

"The state government will definitely not have the wherewithal to go into this sort of intelligence operations.”

Then, they speculated how Shivraj Pothole would have reacted:

"When floods and incidents like these happen, people try to help each other to mitigate suffering."

"We did what we felt was right. Such incidents, in fact, took place even after POTA was brought in."

"The country is very big and even if we have the information that something is likely to happen, sometimes we don't know when and where this is likely to happen."

Then, they speculated what would Muckmoron Singh have done. After discussion, they came to the conclusion that he would have decided to create a special permanent fund for the victims of terrorist attacks.

After this hypothesizing was over, some of the news-channels decided to conduct a poll to decide which amongst these should be considered ‘the most appropriate reaction’. Votes/SMS’/Phone-calls came in from all parts of India, and the vote-split (average of all the channels) read as:

20%: Hajpayee’s reaction was the most appropriate
80%: The bail given to Sanjay Dutt and Salman Khan was a right thing

So it was concluded that Vajpayee’s reaction- that of maintaining complete Silence- was indeed better than the reactions which others would have hypothetically given.

This is how India tackled the sinister problem of Terrorism, after twin blasts that ravaged Hyderabad, and on the next day of the blasts, everyone was at work, performing daily chores and gossiping “How come only 80% of people think that Sanjay Dutt and Salman Khan deserve to be free?”, “What was Sanjay Dutt doing in Vaishno Devi?” and the headlines “Hyderabad is a resilient city", “Resilent Hyderabad bounces right back”, were splashed all over the newspapers and TVs.

Thus, all was well till the Terrorists came to kill again.